There is an epidemic of loneliness going around which started way back before Covid-19. And it literally affects millions of people worldwide. So, if there are so many people struggling with the same thing, it surely means it’s not their fault? And that there is nothing wrong with them because the struggle is real. More importantly, there are healthy ways to work through it. Let’s see how yoga and meditation can help those who feel lonely.
Yoga and meditation can help those who feel lonely because:
- They enable us to release stagnant energy and emotions we are stuck in.
- With them we learn to go inward and enjoy our own company.
- They teach us self-love and help us open our hearts to nice things around us.
- We stop needing to distract ourselves all the time.
- They help with overstimulation.
- We learn to slow down or replace our negative and self-defeating thoughts.
- Yoga philosophy, not just the physical practice, can help us overcome feelings of separation.
- We feel connected to everyone around us.
- We feel oneness with something higher than ourselves.
- Yoga communities are a nice place to meet friendly people and form a community with.
- A teacher who supports you during your practice can mean a lot when you’re starving for social connection.
- In yoga and meditation classes we can be safe with others while at the same time, we are doing our own thing.
A Word of Caution
Before you continue reading, we want to give you a few words of caution. We aren’t trying to bum you out! Rather, we would like you to offer you a comprehensive view of loneliness. So, if you find the facts at the beginning of the article depressing, hang on there! The idea is to understand that as lonely as you might feel, you are not alone in this. Literally millions of people are going through the same, regardless of their age.
Our intention was to give you PRACTICAL and EFFECTIVE ways that yoga and mediation can help you cope when feeling lonely. So, if you find the info in the first part of the article overwhelming, feel free to just scroll through to the second part. I am saying this because for me, as someone who has struggled with loneliness, writing this article and seeing how loneliness affects us upset me big time. So, please mind that potential dark hole.
The Epidemic of Loneliness – A Cause for Concern
The pandemic of loneliness is widespread and has been around well before the Covid-19 pandemic started. And just like Covid, it affects all populations, from seniors to youth, worldwide. Many polls and surveys have proven that:
- A poll from 2019 found that 30% of millennials reported feeling lonely. 22% said that they don’t have any friends.
- In the US, more than 43% of people aged 60+ who live alone reported that they were lonely.
- A 2018 Cigna (health insurance) study found that about half of the 20,000 participants said they were lonely.
- BBC Radio 4 Loneliness Experiment done on 55,000 Britons found that a third said they often feel lonely.
And the list goes on.
Actually, the problem is so huge that the UK government even appointed a Minister of Loneliness. And the government has started a #LetsTalkLoneliness campaign.
The Effects Loneliness Has on Our Health and Well-Being
Many researchers took to studying the effects of loneliness. They discovered it is associated with premature mortality (by 26%), a higher risk of anxiety, depression, dementia and even hallucinations. Michel Siffre, a French caver who spent six months in a cave to study the effects of loneliness said, “Physically it was not tiring, but mentally it was hell.”
Loneliness also has a negative impact on heart diseases and blood pressure. It can increase inflammation, which creates greater risk of cancer and neurodegenerative diseases. Moreover, genes linked to antiviral response and antibody production were underactive in chronically lonely. Similar studies were repeated on a large scale sample of participants. They showed that lonely people are more prone to chronic diseases and their bodies are less resilient to health threats. So, loneliness literally affects us on a genetic and cellular level.
On the contrary, good social bonds are protective of our health. They keep us safe and at a lower risk of the mentioned health issues. Researchers discovered that those who had fulfilling relationships were happier, more resilient, had fewer health problems and lived longer.
Defining Loneliness
Loneliness is a subjective feeling. It has nothing to do with the amount of social contact you have. You can feel lonely in a room full of people. It is not linked to how many people you know, or how much time you spend alone. It’s about how close you are to your people and how deep, caring and satisfying your relationships are. Simply put, loneliness is longing for fulfilling social interactions.
Loneliness Is Not Natural for Humans
Some amount of loneliness is helpful and necessary. Anyone who has to work with people a lot, or any mom, can tell you that. However, needing to connect to others is a legitimate biological need. Throughout centuries of our existence, human beings have always gathered in groups, tribes and communities. It was the natural way of being. It’s how we thrived and survived.
One study showed that when researchers showed photos of social cues to the participants who had been isolated, parts of the brain connected with cravings lit up. These were the same brain regions that respond when hungry people see pictures of food. This means that social craving is one of the most natural and inherent parts of being human.
So, what happened for so many people to feel lonely?
One theory is money. In the old days you needed your community for basic needs of life. You relied on others more. Now money solves that for you. In our pursuit of financial independence, did we lose a valuable part of being human?
There are many more explanations. That people become less trusting of others as they age because they got hurt enough times. Also, it’s possible that technology has done its share. And of course, the individualism of our modern societies definitely doesn’t help.
The Vicious Circle of Loneliness
The lonelier you are, the harder it becomes to connect with others. When you are lonely, i.e. starving for social connection, you might come across as awkward, crude or just weird. And of course, this is logical enough. If you have no opportunities to practice your best social self, how can you shine once you find yourself in such situations? You may lose touch with the ‘appropriate’ things to say. You may end up barraging others. Your need to talk and connect is valid, but not everyone might be open to meeting it to the extent you need it.
Moreover, brains change in people who are chronically lonely. They tend to perceive people’s faces as more threatening than they are. They become hypervigilant – perceiving others as potential threats. So, brain-wise, loneliness begets more loneliness.
Those Who Are Fed Don’t Trust the Hungry
Another thing is how we relate to those who are lonely. How often do we tend to look down on them, as if there is something off with them? In the Balkans, we have a saying: “those who are fed don’t trust the hungry.” The only people who understood my struggles with loneliness were those who were going through the same. So, perhaps what you’re going through will help you recognize and understand others with similar experiences. And perhaps help them?
How Yoga and Meditation Help Those Who Feel Lonely
We did a little research and asked other yoga teachers and practitioners how yoga and meditation have helped them when they felt lonely. Here are the answers we got:
Gavin Rutherford, yoga teacher:
“I think in many ways, yoga is a personal practice, so ideal in times of loneliness. It’s also nice to meet people with the same interests who you can relate to. All yoga poses are perfect for loneliness as they allow one to turn inwards.”
Marie Therese Rogers, yoga practitioner for 35 years and a teacher for 5:
“A suggestion would be to invite those believing themselves to be lonely to deepen their understanding of yoga and its meaning of unity, through our life force of prana (or chi). This occurs by mindfully connecting our breath and our movements in a manner in which we connect with this truth, with our life energy. By reflecting upon our connectedness, both with others and within ourselves, we deepen our yoga practice and will soon realize that feelings and beliefs of loneliness are simply illusions.”
Kelsie W., yoga teacher and practitioner:
“I think yoga philosophy itself is good for coping with loneliness.”
Cheryl Fennel Brown, yoga teacher:
“The inherent connection with ourselves that we gain through practicing yoga *should* help to alleviate loneliness, but it can sometimes take years of asana practice before that sense of oneness develops. I have found that some of the quickest ways to tap into that oneness is to chant simple vowels or bija mantras, practice mudras and yoga nidra.”
Ryan McNiel, yoga practitioner:
“Supported postures feel better to me when I’m feeling in a place of separateness. I’m not a 4 blankets and 2 bolsters type of person, but a little extra support in yin or restorative poses seems to go a long way.I often fall back into loneliness as I travel the path, as sometimes the connectedness I feel during my practice can fade and leave me feeling a little empty. But the more I practice, the less I seem to slide back into that place.”
Karin Ninburg, yoga teacher:
“I think when you’re practicing with a group, it makes a big difference. I was teaching yoga in Sweden in winter and a lot of the students mentioned this issue. After every class, we drank tea together and had a chat, which was very helpful.”
Schachar O:
“Yoga and meditation online groups created for me and others a sense of community and support during the pandemic.”
Stephanie Smart, a yoga teacher and practitioner for 15 years:
“Yoga means union! You’re no longer alone-ever- when you are in union with yourself, a higher power and generally other yogis. The majority of my friends I have met in a yoga class whether I’m student or teacher. Yoga=community.”
Jaci Knight, yoga teacher:
“For me loneliness was not the physical state of being alone, it was being with myself and not being comfortable with who I am and with my own uncontrolled thoughts. I could be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. And I would force myself to constantly be on the go so I could distract my brain from the constant clutter.
I found that meditation and yoga helped me to calm those thoughts so that I could go deeper. It was then that I was able to get to know who I really was and become comfortable with not constantly feeling the need to distract. To be comfortable with and love the company of myself. To appreciate the moment and the world around me.”
Tara Mattson Morrett, yoga teacher and doctor of physical therapy:
“The collective consciousness of love is the union of yoga, where individuation ceases, and along with it, the separation felt as loneliness.”
Judy H. G. yoga teacher and practitioner:
“I am an introvert. I like people but too much interaction is exhausting. Therefore I rarely feel lonely. But yoga and meditation help me settle down from that overstimulation and find my balance again. For instance, I find now I automatically change my breathing under stress. I also practice yoga daily, even if time is short, and that daily movement helps my body siphon out the stressors of life.”
Lisa S. yoga teacher and practitioner:
“I teach self love yoga and for me I always had a defensiveness around my heart. In my practice of Prana vinyasa we actually massage the heart and move from the heart space. This, with breath, actually expanded my heart and I feel love. I felt joy and an amazing connection to me. I dissociated most of my life so it’s been life changing.”
D.R. yoga teacher and practitioner:
“I have an autism spectrum disorder. I am regularly lonely and find it very hard to interact socially as I don’t read physical or facial cues very well, and personal boundaries can be confusing for me. Yoga allows me to come together with a group of people and feel a sense of community while still being separate as we are conducting the practice as individuals. Yoga has also helped me to quiet my mind and to calm myself using pranayama.”
So, the key takeaways about how yoga and meditation help when feeling lonely are:
- Yoga communities are a nice place to meet friendly people and form a community with.
- A teacher who supports you during your practice can mean a lot when you’re starving for social connection.
- Yoga and meditation enable us to go inward and learn to enjoy our own company
- They teach us self-love and help us open our hearts.
- We feel connected to everyone around us.
- We feel oneness with something higher than ourselves.
- In yoga and meditation classes we can be safe with others while at the same time, we are doing our own thing.
- They help with overstimulation
- We stop needing to distract ourselves all the time.
- We learn to slow down or replace our negative and self-defeating thoughts
- Yoga philosophy, not just the physical practice, can help us overcome feelings of separation.
As some respondents mentioned, it might take years of practice to gain all of the above insights. So, start small. Any benefit that yoga and meditation can give you when feeling lonely is good enough.
Yoga and Meditation Tools for Feeling Lonely
If yoga and meditation helped others who feel lonely, perhaps they will work for you too? Try any of these tools. You don’t have to do them all. You can just do one and see how it goes. Also, if one doesn’t work for you, try another. Note that they might trigger something you. Some might even make you even more sad and vulnerable. That’s because yoga and meditation bring to the surface what you’ve been holding in. Release those emotions. Don’t bottle them down. Go only as far as you are comfortable. And have trust and openness towards these tools. If you’re stubborn in the belief that your situation is helpless, nothing you do might make a difference.
Starting Pose
Lie down on your back. Bend your knees and place the soles of the feet a bit wider than the hips. Lean the knees against each other. There’s no right or wrong position here, just make yourself comfortable. Notice how nicely supported you feel by the ground beneath you. Feel how nicely your back sinks into the ground and relaxes into the ground. Here you are safe.
Next place one hand on the belly and the other one on the chest. Feel into your belly and your chest. All these organs are working for you to be healthy and safe. Feel them supporting you and protecting you from illnesses. Feel connection to them and gratitude to them. Thank your organs.
Now, notice your breathing. The hand on the belly rises first, and then the hand on the chest follows. Follow this rhythm of your breathing. Sync with it and just stay with it for a couple of minutes.
Knees to Chest
Keep lying on the back. Bend the knees and bring them towards the chest. Hug the shins and squeeze them into your chest. Release and squeeze a few times. Keep breathing consciously as you do it. As you’re hugging the knees, start rocking a bit side to side. The goal of this pose is to move your energy around. Often when we feel unpleasant emotions it’s because our energy is stuck in some parts of the body. So we stay stuck in the emotion. To release the emotion, we need to move the energy around. This pose does that for us.
Happy Baby Pose
Now, lift your feet and hold the inner ankles placing the arms inside of the legs. Feel free to move your ankles and legs around, any way it feels good. Play with it. You can also rock side to side too. This pose is called the Happy Baby pose. So, just imagine how nice it is to be a little baby. All those people caring for you, smiling at you, saying nice things to you. Smile back at them. Imagine yourself as a little baby, safe, loved, protected and cared for. Bring these feelings and sensations to the here and now. Stay with them and smile.
Child’s Pose
This is a soothing pose. It calms your mind, your thoughts and relieves anxiety and stress. Go down on your shins. Bring the big toes together. Spread the knees as wide as it’s comfortable, and bring the front body down on the floor. The space between the knees should be wide enough so that the belly is relaxed and can breathe without obstruction. The forehead should be resting on the floor. If you can’t reach the forehead, place one fist on top of the other and then put the forehead on them. Or, use a pillow or a block. In that case, you can place your arms by your sides or lift them above the head, whatever feels more comfortable for you.
Flapping Fish Pose
This is a soothing and relaxing pose. It helps you relax and enjoy your own company and presence. Lie on the stomach. Bend the left knee and bring it close to the ribs. The right leg is straight. Interlace your fingers and place them under the head, palms facing down. Gently bring the left elbow towards the left knee, without strain. Then place the right cheek on the top of the hands. Stay there and rest. Relax all parts of the body. Feel the support from the floor. Feel the support of your own body.
Self-care Pose
You can do this pose sitting, kneeling or standing. Wrap your arms around you, as if giving yourself a hug. Bring the head down and tilt it to the right side. The gaze is down or close your eyes. Enjoy the presence and the comfort of yourself. Feel how nice it is to hug yourself. Feel just how huggable and lovable you are. Smile to yourself. And say something nice to yourself.
Hugging the Earth
Nature is always a magnificent thing to connect with. The simplest way is to just lie on the ground and hug the ground. Release all your woes into the ground. Feel how supported and taken care of you are by this amazing planet we live on. Feel into all the wonderful things it provides for you. The grass might get itchy, but oh well.
Befriending Loneliness Meditation
(The script is adapted from Spirituality & Health.)
Sit comfortably or lie down, whichever makes you feel more comfortable. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth…
Relax your body. The face, jaw, shoulders, chest, belly and pelvis. Take a few moments to do this. Don’t rush. Let your thoughts and emotions settle.
Then meet yourself as you are. Invite your loneliness in. Instead of trying to run from it, as we usually do, invite it. Welcome it. Listen to it and offer it kindness. Set the intention to be kind to your loneliness.
Keep your body relaxed and keep breathing consciously. Focus on your loneliness. Let it come into your body. As you do this, there may be thoughts coming up about why you’re lonely. You may think of people, or situations that are making you feel this way. Perhaps you start thinking of the reasons you feel lonely. You may think that there is something wrong with you. Let these thoughts be. Don’t fight them, but don’t engage with them either. Keep focusing on the emotions and sensations in your body.
Notice where you feel loneliness in your physical body, in which parts? Is it in the chest, in the belly or anywhere else? Where is it stored? There may be more than one place. Now could you look at its physical representation? Does it have a shape or a color? Perhaps place your hands on these parts of your body.
What is your loneliness telling you?
As you spend time feeling your loneliness, treat it like a good friend. Listen to what it has to say. We’re not here to judge it or make it go away. Simply be present and observe as it arises. Now observe what else is there with loneliness. Are there other emotions too? Is there sadness, grief or fear? Is anger there or hope? All can be present. Let whatever is there to just be there.
Now listen to what your loneliness is telling you? There is a reason it’s there. Perhaps you don’t feel as connected as you’d like to be? Or perhaps the connections you have don’t feel satisfying enough? Perhaps they don’t make you feel heard or understood? Listen to it with compassion and kindness. Is your loneliness perhaps asking you to do or change something? What is it that it wants? Perhaps it just wants you to listen to it and honor it?
Let’s take a few more breaths into those places where we feel our longing – grief, hope, isolation, rejection or maybe even that fire to make a change. If they’re not already there, place your hands over your heart, or wherever your loneliness lives in your body. Bow your mind to your hands honoring and acknowledging the time you spent listening to your own pain with compassion, and offering yourself loving connection in a time of longing.
Stay there for as long as you like. When you’re ready, open your eyes.
You Are Your Best Friend
This is a sentence I often say at the end of my yoga classes. It’s preceded by a phrase: “Thank yourself for showing up for yourself, for being there for yourself.” And, basically, that’s it. The only person who will always be there with you your whole life is you. So, you might as well befriend this person.
Once you’re good with yourself, and you don’t have the need of getting away from yourself, others will sense that too. And they will be more likely to want to get to be around you. That’s a sad, cruel truth of life. Most people want to get to know us when we are light, pleasant and positive, not heavy with burdens of solitude and unmet needs.
There’s that famous quote from Keanu Reeves: “Someone told me the other day that he felt bad for single people because they are lonely all the time. I told him that’s not true. I’m single and I don’t feel lonely. I take myself out to eat, I buy myself clothes. I have great times by myself. Once you know how to take care of yourself, company becomes an option and not a necessity.”
This is a great ideal to strive for. But, alas, it doesn’t always work. I for one still need my people. Perhaps you are like me? What I do now is trust that somewhere out there, God, the universe (or any higher power you believe in) is watching out for me. And I trust in them that they will give me what I need. I practice patience and trust that I will find my tribe. Eventually. Until then I will work with what I’ve got. And most importantly, I will work on being my own best friend.
Getting a pet
And in the meantime, getting a pet is a great option too – with them you will not feel lonely, which is great for one’s mental health, especially anxiety and depression. Take a look at this article we wrote about how pets can help with mental health challenges. You can even do yoga with your pets, also know as Doga. This concept has been created by a yoga teacher and many report having an awesome time and reaping many benefits from doing yoga with their pets.
Working On Your Social Skills
Aside from yoga and meditation, there are other things you can do not to feel lonely. If you feel your social and conversation skills could use some polishing, check our articles on how to have mindful conversations and how to practice mindful listening. These two skills are valuable to have if you are looking for meaningful relationships. Not many people are good listeners. Perhaps you can be that guy/lady?
And of course, there is empathy. To forge meaningful and caring relationships, you sure need it. So, check our article on healthy empathy. We’ve also included a few tips for developing it.
Conclusion: It’s Not You, It’s the State of Humanity
Many people are struggling with loneliness. So, please don’t think that something is off with you in particular. Also, now that you know more about how loneliness affects your health and your brain, you might get motivated to do something about it. The yoga and meditation tools we’ve shown you are the first steps to cope when feeling lonely. What are the next steps you can take? Perhaps sit next to a stranger on a bench and exchange a few words. Or volunteer somewhere. Helping others and doing something for a greater good does wonders to take your mind off your suffering. The most important thing is, start small. Do what you can. And if you wish to share about how you’re doing, reach out to us on our socials (Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter). We’d love to hear.
Tatjana Glogovac, Senior Contributor At L’Aquila Active
Learn more about Tatjana by reading her bio below.
Click on link below to meet L’Aquila Active’s entire team of experts, including university degrees, certifications, and credentials on yoga and meditation: