Sexuality is a big topic nowadays. Many people experience all sorts of blockages in this department. And even those who don’t could sure benefit from increasing their sexual pleasure. That’s why for today’s article we decided to look into practical ways we can improve our sex lives through the power of our breath.
The relationship between sex and breath is a powerful one:
- By taking deep, long breaths we can have deep and long orgasms.
- By directing the breath into the genital area, we make contact with our sexual energy, learn how to move it, and increase or decrease its intensity.
- Tensing the body during sex prevents us from spreading sexual energy through our entire being.
- Breathing from the belly and not the chest helps us have deeper sexual experiences.
- The outbreath has the power to release any tensions, sexual tensions included.
- The inbreath feeds our every cell with oxygen and life force energy.
The Modern Day Problem of Sexuality
A few weeks ago I attended an online workshop “Breath Secrets: The Breath & Sex’ workshop” by Alchemy of Breath. There were over 350 people attending. What I, personally, found upsetting was that when the teachers asked if they felt like they needed to hide things about their sexuality, SO many people answered yes! So many people! Also, facilitators asked us the participants about our relationship to our sexuality. The answers were: “zero, disconnected, estranged, hidden, wounded, shame, confusion, stagnant, fragile, needy, cannot access it, suppression, lost, fairly asleep, hurt…”
What happened to the state of our human condition?
As we mentioned in the article Paradox of Choice and Choice Paralysis: Learn to Decide, if so many people have a certain problem it also means that someone took the effort to find solutions to what ails so many of us. And it definitely means it’s not us, it’s something about the state of society we live in.
Interview With Ruzica Ray
For today’s article, we had the honor of interviewing Ružica Ray. She mentors and educates women in the area of female sexuality and orgasms and is the author of the “Orgasmic woman” program. But do know that her contribution here is relevant and applies to both women and men. We’ve asked her about:
- the power of breath and how it can help during sex
- breathing exercises that help with longer and better sex
- breathing exercises that help men last longer
(We covered the latter topic in greater detail in our articles Science Backed Yoga Exercises for Premature Ejaculation and Meditation and Mindfulness for Premature Ejaculation)
Here’s what she said:
“Each one of us starts their life with the first inhale, and ends it with the last exhale. Imagine then how many inhales and exhales is one life made up of.
On average, we take 12 to 20 breaths in one minute. In one hour, that’s about 960 breaths. This means that in one day, we take about 17, 000 to 20, 000 breaths. And in one year, we breathe in approximately 8 409 600 times. Isn’t that fascinating?
Each breath, on average, lasts 1 to 1.5 seconds. Each outbreath lasts for about 1.5 to 2 seconds. And how long does in most cases one orgasm last?
The latest research shows that an average orgasm lasts for about 10 seconds. In that time we take far more inhales and exhales than usual and the breath becomes shorter and more shallow. This happens automatically, because our body has learned to react in this way to the increased intensity of sexual excitement. This behavior patterns limits our orgasmic and sexual potential, which we carry within us.”
1. How Can the Breath Help Us During Sex?
“There is one unwritten rule that says: ‘Deep and long breath = deep and long orgasm’
Breathing is one of the basic tools that helps us deepen our feeling of sexual pleasure and prolong our orgasms.
The power of breath is multiple:
- The inbreath feeds our every cell with oxygen.
- It brings fresh life energy into our bodies.
- The outbreath releases tensions from our bodies.
- It brings the body into a state of relaxation.
By directing attention to our breathing, we become aware of our bodies and all the processes that happen in it. We connect with the sensations and different emotions which are activated during sex. By directing the breath into the genital area, we make contact with our sexual energy, we learn how to move it, increase or decrease its intensity.”
Stop Tensing Your Body When You’re About to Reach an Orgasm
“Both women and men are used to tensing their bodies when they feel they are about to culminate. The body’s state of tensions does not allow sexual energy to spread. Instead, it creates pressure, which is why most people have the experience of perceiving an orgasm as an explosion, a climax that lasts a short while. Through this explosion we lose our sexual energy. Men do so physically as well, through ejaculation. Another obstacle to having longer and deeper orgasmic states is the focus on the goal. Sex mostly comes down to an interaction in which both sides try to reach a goal – an orgasm. When we transfer our attention to the present moment, this detail alone changes the nature and duration of the sexual intercourse. It is by following the breath in our bodies as we breathe in and out that we arrive at the present moment.”
Follow the Breath
“So I invite you now to direct your attention from the outside to within yourself, close your eyes and take a few breaths in and out. As you do that, follow the course of breath with your attention. When you breathe in, notice the breath falling down and how far it goes. When you breathe out, follow its course as it rises up and comes out through the nose or the mouth.
In this way, your thoughts are here, directed at what you are doing right now. This is one of the many ways to practice consciousness and presence, which will guide you to a much more pleasurable sexual experience.”
2. What Are Some of the Breathing Exercises for Better and Longer Sex?
“There are different breathing techniques that can help us have longer and better sex. The first thing we need to do is to relax our body. That’s why breathing from the belly is important. It allows sexual energy to spread and flow freely.
Belly Breathing Exercise:
This exercise will enable you to experience the benefits of deep belly breathing:
- Take a comfortable sitting or lying position.
- Close your eyes and place one palm on the lower belly and the other one on the central part of the chest.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose and place your breath into the belly. Let your belly rise like a balloon.
- Keep breathing into the belly. Inhale slowly through the nose and exhale through the mouth.
- Feel the connection between the belly and the palm. Notice your belly expanding and contracting with each new inbreath and outbreath.
- Make sure that your chest is still. (Only the belly should be moving)
- Now visualize your breath massaging your inner organs (uterus, ovaries, vagina for women and prostate, penis and scrotum for men)
- Keep doing this for 5-10 minutes.
- Then relax the breath and notice how you feel now. What sensations and emotions did this exercise activate? How connected do you feel with your body? Do you feel a difference in relation to how you were before you started doing this exercise?
Once your bring your body into a state of relaxation, move on to the next exercise:
Breathing Through the Mouth Exercise
By breathing through the mouth we energize the whole body, and especially the second, sexual, Sacral chakra. Through instigating the movement of sexual energy, we increase its intensity.
- Take a comfortable seating or lying position.
- Start breathing in and out through the mouth and deep into your belly. Note: Unlike the previous exercise, now you breathe only through the mouth and much faster. Also, here keep your eyes open
- Keep breathing like this for a few minutes.
- Then calm your breath down.
- Close your eyes.
- Notice how you are feeling now. Answer the same questions as in the previous exercise.
3. Breathing Exercises for Men to Last Longer?
“Men, just like women, can have multiple orgasms. One of the ways to experience that is to learn to control their breathing. Through using the breath consciously, they can control their ejaculation too. This means they will enjoy making love longer with their loved one. Together they will open themselves for experiencing newer and deeper orgasmic states and a more intimate relationship.
(We wrote more on how mindfulness can help your marriage and relationships here.)
The Exercise for Lasting Longer
The first step is to recognize your breathing.
- Sit comfortably in a sitting position.
- Place one hand on your chest and the other one on the belly.
- Take a deep breath in and out, through the nose or the mouth (as you wish).
- Pay attention to what moves first – is it the hand on the chest or on the belly? Give yourself a few moments to do this.
- If you feel that the hand on your chest moves first, let it not surprise you. About 70 %-80 % men and women breathe like this. This is breathing through the chest. But if you take a newborn baby, you will notice that it breathes into the belly. That’s because we are naturally wired to breathe with our bellies. However, as a consequence of the modern way of living and a lot of hours spent sitting, most people have developed shallow lung breathing. We inhale a minimum amount of air, which we need to maintain the functioning of all bodily processes (the functioning of organs, blood flow, etc.) But that’s not enough. That’s why it’s important that we pay attention to breathing during the day throughout our daily activities as well as during sex.
- When you notice that your breathing is shallow and that you breathe through the lungs only, deepen your breathing. Lower the breath into your belly and take a couple of deep breaths in and out. You can adopt this new habit by setting an alarm on your phone to ring every few hours, throughout the day. When the alarm rings, check your breathing and correct it, if necessary. Start doing this during sex as well and feel the difference.”
The Walking Breath Exercise
“In the moment when you feel that your sexual arousal is approaching its peak and that you are about to come, apply the following breathing technique:
- Imagine you are taking 4 steps to a complete breath and 4 steps to a complete outbreath.
- This means that you will inhale shortly 4 times to a complete inbreath.
- With each part of the inbreath, let the belly inflate like a balloon.
- Do the outbreath in the same way. With each part of the outbreath, pull the belly closer to the spine.
- Do this several times.
It is also important that, as you do this, you relax the body and muscles. This will give your more control over your breathing and extend the time you reach ejaculation.
By applying the above mentioned exercises continually, you will bring your sexual pleasure to the next level. Enjoy it!”
Conclusion: Your Connection to Your Breath Is Your Connection to Better Sex and Longer Orgasms. Use It!
Our Contributor
Ruzica Ray is a Traditional and Kundalini Reiki teacher, yoga instructor and energy therapist. She mentors and educates women in the area of female sexuality and orgasms and is the author of the “Orgasmic woman” program.
She helps women to release their sexuality and live in accordance with their feminine orgasmic nature. You can reach her on Instagram.
Tatjana Glogovac, Senior Contributor At L’Aquila Active
Learn more about Tatjana by reading her bio below.
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