About one in three men has problems with premature ejaculation. For many, this causes anxiety, low self-esteem and problems in relationships. Because of the stigma and shame attached to this problem, many men do not seek help. Instead, they struggle throughout their entire lives. Fortunately, the field of research studying the benefits of meditation and mindfulness now includes sex and premature ejaculation, as well.
In short, mindfulness and meditation help with premature ejaculation by training men get out of their heads and tune into their bodies so that they can feel and control themselves better. In this way, not only do they last longer, but they also enjoy sex in a different way – deeply and more sensually, experiencing pleasures that they otherwise tend to miss. By practicing mindfulness before and during sex, men can switch off their inner anxieties about their performance and control their brains and ejaculation time better.
The problems and reasons of premature ejaculation are many. Luckily, so are the solutions. In many cases, men do not have to seek professional help. They can help themselves by applying the methods and activities given in this article.
Another way to deter premature ejaculation is through scientifically proven yogic exercises. Take a look at them here.
The Problem of Premature Ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common forms of sexual disfunction for men all over the world. It affects about 30% of men. There are three aspects which define premature ejaculation: short ejaculation time, lack of control on ejaculation and negative personal and interpersonal consequences.
What exactly constitutes as premature ejaculation varies. According to some definitions, it is when a man ejaculates in under 1 minute. International Society for Sexual Medicine benchmarks it to 3 minutes and less, and for some sex experts, it’s any time a man reaches an orgasm before his partner does. The last one seems a bit harsh, especially if you take into consideration that many women do not reach a climax from penetration alone.
Reasons for Premature Ejaculation
1. Rushing Into It
In the world of instant gratification, no wonder so many men rush into sex. Many approach it the same way as food — I’m hungry and I want to be full. Instead of enjoying the process, they are focused on the end goal.
Major reasons why they tend to go at it too fast are masturbation and the porn industry. Usually, most men treat masturbation as a quick release and this spills over into their sex habits. As for the porn industry, it has conditioned us into thinking that sex happens instantly!
2. Brain Takes Control Over the Body
So, here what basically happens is that your brain has stimulated your penis long before any touch between you and your partner has even happened. You brain anticipating pleasures and drawing on memories of previous sexual pleasures already fills up your genitals with sexual energy. So, when the actual stimulation does happen, your penis can’t handle it and it ejaculates. When the arousal in the brain takes over the body, the orgasm can arrive unexpectedly and suddenly.
3. Performance Anxiety
Now, this one is quite paradoxical. Because you’re afraid that you might ejaculate too fast, you end up doing just that. It’s like when someone tells you not to think of the pink elephant. Don’t think about the pink elephant, don’t think about the pink elephant, don’t think about the pink elephant…. What are you thinking about now?
The same happens here. Because you’re so afraid of ejaculating prematurely, your brain starts triggering exactly those memories and sensations related to you ejaculating prematurely. It sends corresponding bioelectric impulses to your penis and before you know it, you’ve climaxed. And the term “before you know it” applies literally here: when you struggle with performance anxiety, you’re so stuck in your head, fears and thoughts that you tend to miss the sensations in your body indicating the increase in sexual tension and the ensuing release.
And to learn more tools about how to alleviate anxiety and stress, check out:
- our article on Yoga Nidra. This practice is super easy to do, all you have to do is lie down in your bed! Of course, as with anything else, it can be a bit challenging to do in the beginning. Stick with it. You can do it any time during the day or night. We’ve included a 10 minute guided practice as well.
- Other ways to relieve anxiety is with these breathing exercises. You can do these before the intercourse, or ideally, have a daily routine that includes them.
- To see how mindfulness and meditation can help with your relationship or marriage, check this article. Your relationship is sure worth it.
How Mindfulness and Meditation Help With Premature Ejaculation
There is a growing number of studies proving that meditation and mindfulness help with premature ejaculation because they:
- Improve sexual functioning and general sexual satisfaction
- Train us to be in charge of our body and mind
- Help us reduce distractions and mind wandering
- Increase our awareness of bodily sensations, including ejaculation time
- Lower sexual performance anxiety, stress and self-judgement
- Improve mood and sexual self-esteem
By practicing meditation and mindfulness before sex, you become calm, relaxed and conscious which minimizes the chances of premature ejaculation. It becomes easy to drop any expectations about sex and simply focus on your and your partner’s pleasure. When your mind is not racing from one thing to another, you become present in your body. And only then can you fully experience all the satisfaction your body and your partner’s can offer.
Meditation and Mindfulness Activities to Help You Last Longer
There are many mindfulness and meditation activities that you can practice before or during sex, with or without your partner. Ideally, practice them regularly so when the time for sex comes, mindfulness has become naturally ingrained into how your brain works.
1. The Five Senses
Remember to do this practice throughout the day, or even better, set your alarm to remind you of it. It takes just a few seconds. Ask yourself the following five questions:
Sights – what do I see right now?
Tastes – what can I taste right now?
Sounds – what sounds do I hear right now?
Sensations – What sensations do I feel on my skin right now?
Smells – What can I smell right now?
Once you’ve become comfortable with this practice, try it out during sex.
2. Deep and Slow Breathing
Fast and shallow breathing is linked with ejaculation. Deep and slow breathing can help you become in control of your erection. When ejaculation nears, start practicing it. It will slow down stimulation.
Another breathwork practice you can do is breathe in through pursed lips for eight seconds and breathe out for six. This will help you let go of sexual tension.
3. Kickstart Breathing
This is a tantric breathing exercise which helps you get out of your head and into your body. Using it, you can discover many new bodily sensations.
Put your fingers on the small hole in the front of your neck. Tighten the back of your neck just a bit, so that when you breathe through your nose, you can hear a light sound. It reminds of the sound people make when they are sleeping. Keeping the back of the throat tight, breath in counting to five, and breathe out counting to three.
4. Tune Into Your Partner’s Rhythm
Women tend to breathe more deeply and slowly during sex than men. In addition, they are more sensitive to sensory stimuli. While for many men, sex is all about the penetration, for women it tends to be a whole body experience. They feel it with all of their senses and body parts. So, rather than getting your partner to follow your rhythm, you will benefit much more if you tune into hers. You will be able to feel much better all the sexual sensations in your body.
If you imitate the movements she uses, you will learn to spread your sexual energy throughout your whole body as well. Instead of searching for that quick release and burning out fast, you will enjoy the deeply satisfying sensations of connection and intimacy that last much longer and steadier.
5. Try Slow Sex
Our worlds and minds are fast-paced so no wonder sex tends to be like that too. That’s why sex experts suggest trying slow sexual activities every now and then. Simply, focus on slow, erotic, sensual touch. This will ground you in the moment and inspire curiosity about your partner’s sensuality. Moreover, you might discover that you like certain touches and sensations which you never noticed before. You two can practice some of the mindfulness and meditation activities first to get in the mood and to help with premature ejaculation.
6. Mindful Meditation
Find a safe, calm environment. Lie or sit down. Close your eyes and start taking deep breaths. Next, prolong your inhalations, hold them for a bit and exhale fully. As you exhale, imagine all your troubles and anxieties leaving your body. Stress in your muscles and your mind are flowing out with each new exhalation. Do this for a few moments. Now visualize sea waves of calm flowing through your body and mind. Breathe in – waves are washing over you. Breathe out – feel the waves leaving your body and mind.
Imagine yourself on a beach looking at the vast sea and the calm horizon. You are resting there and feeling at peace with the world. No thoughts about work or your to-do list, because it’s all in the past or the future and does not exist in this moment right now. Right now, you are by the sea.
Next, look up at the sky. Notice the clouds passing by – some of them are blue, some are white, some are grey, but they all have one thing in common: they come and they pass by. There’s no need to do anything about them, they will simply go away just like they came.
Now, imagine that your thoughts are just like these clouds. They come and go. No need to do anything about them. Let them drift off into the horizon just like the clouds. Just like the dark clouds, your negative thoughts are automatic too, they aren’t your choice. It’s ok to have them sometimes.
You feel calm and at peace because no matter what thoughts are passing through your mind, just like the sea and the horizon, you too are serene. You are part of this vastness in front of you. Continue to appreciate this moment.
Muting the Inner Critic
While you’re enjoying there on the beach, start listening to your inner voice. The inner voice tends to say some hurtful things to you. What does this inner voice sound like? Imagine listening to it as if it’s on the radio. Become so bored with its negativity, as if it were a political talk show ranting on and on about the same old topic. Whatever negative things it says, it’s so boring and you heard it soo much and so often that you are bored with it. So, just like you would with an actual radio, start to turn the volume down on that inner voice. Do it slowly, turn the volume down one by one, until it’s down to zero.
Now become more aware of your breath again as you breathe in all the way in and hold it for a bit, until it needs to come out. As you do this, feel any last negativity evaporate.
Slowly, bring your awareness to the room where you are. Wiggle your toes and fingers, wrists and ankles. Lift your arms and stretch a bit, side to side. Then, when you are ready, open your eyes and notice how you are.
7. Eye Contact Exercise
Many people have difficulty maintaining eye contact during sex. It’s a pity because this is a powerful way of sharing sexual energy and deepening sexual connection. So, take the time to sit with you partner, face-to-face, and gaze into their eyes for full three minutes. Just look at one eye, don’t switch between them. It will probably feel a bit uncomfortable at first, just try not to talk. Over time, as you become more comfortable with this practice, try it out in the bedroom.
Conclusion: Meditation and Mindfulness for Premature Ejaculation Can Help You Take Control of Your Brain, Body and Penis
Premature ejaculation is not a burden you have to carry through your entire life. There are many proven non-medical ways to help you last longer. Remember, meditation and mindfulness are easy and pain free ways to help you take control of your brain, body and penis. And when you think of the joys and pleasures they can bring both for you and your partner, you will probably conclude that trying them out is well worth the effort. Hopefully, this article has given you some new perspective on how to work this out.
To learn more about the breath and different practices that can help you last longer and enjoy your sexual experiences more, take a look at these tips from our sex expert.
Tatjana Glogovac, Senior Contributor At L’Aquila Active
Learn more about Tatjana by reading her bio below.
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