If you feel your sex life could use some spicing up, you don’t need to stand on your head naked or have a threesome – the following tantra and mindfulness-based practices might be the spices you were looking for.
Tantra and mindfulness are about discovering pleasure in all that surrounds us — the breath, the touch, the eye contact. They are about being fully present in the moment and feeling pleasure in every part of that moment because the present moment is all that exists. They don’t focus on the pursuit of orgasm as the end goal of sex and in this way, tantra and mindfulness open the gateway to higher levels of pleasure that you’ve probably never experienced before.
Tantra and mindfulness use breathing, sounds, and movements to awaken the sexual energy and intensify the sexual experience. They honor the body and the soul and in this way, they help us let go of anxiety, stress, self-limiting beliefs, and traumas we might have around our past experiences.
To learn more about the breath and different practices that can help you last longer and enjoy your sexual experiences more, take a look at these tips from our sex expert.
A Bit About Tantra
Tantra is an ancient spiritual practice that weaves the physical with the spiritual. It views sex as a sacred practice for reaching higher realms of being. While other spiritual practices see desires as the root of suffering, in tantra, we tap into desires and pleasures to reach bliss and deeper spiritual dimensions of our existence. Everything becomes sacred and a source of pleasure – the way our feet touch the ground when we walk, how we eat, comb our hair, all of it.
In tantra, the goal is not the orgasm, but a spiritual and energetic connection with the partner, or yourself (yes, you can try it solo too). For it, sexuality is a way to open our hearts and connect with something higher than ourselves. In tantra, partners worship each other because they are physical manifestations of gods and goddesses. Would you be liked to be seen in this way? If yes, it’s a good time to practice tantra.
It is very powerful and, unfortunately, most of its practices are known only to those initiated who are forbidden to share much about it. Luckily, in the west, many modern sex experts have found ways to implement some of its practices into the lives of the average folk. And that’s great news for us because tantra is also a powerful tool for healing, transformation, and connection with ourselves and our partner. It can feel strange and vulnerable in the beginning because we might not be used to being treated like that and feel so exposed. But over time, the experience becomes liberating and once you live it, you will probably not want to go back to your previous ways.
1. Forget About the Pursuit of Orgasm
Both in mindfulness and tantra, orgasm is not the goal of sex. Instead, you focus on each and every sensation of the experience, and in this way, you intensify your sexual experience. Paradoxically, not focusing on climax can lead the way to whole new and deeper orgasmic pleasures.
2. Creating Sensual Space
If you’ve ever been to a spa, a modern haven for relaxation, you’ve probably noticed that it’s designed to activate all your senses. There’s soothing music, relaxing smells, the interior is designed in such a way to calm you down (sometimes they even use feng shui). They awaken all your senses and it feels really good, right?
To create a full-body sensory experience in the bedroom, you should try the same techniques spa designers use. For the sense of sight, tidy your room and light some candles. Use essential oils to arouse the sense of smell. Turn on some soothing, sensual music to stimulate the sense of sound. For the sense of taste, add chocolate or fruit to your bedroom repertoire. And for the sense of touch, use silky or satin sheets or soft blankets.
3. Meditation as Foreplay
To get out of your busy mind and reconnect with your body, take some minutes to meditate before you engage in sexual activities. You can either do it alone or with your partner. Sit with your back against your partner’s and meditate together, with your clothes on or off. This ritual will deepen your intimacy and provide a chance to just be with one another, sharing moments of peace. Once this experience gets you two on the same wavelength, it will be easier to sustain this connection in the bedroom.
To learn more about how to delay premature ejaculation with the help of mindfulness and meditation, head over to this post.
4. Synchronizing With Your Partner
Speaking of being on the same wavelength, a great addition to your meditative connection practice is the “yab yum” position. The man sits with his legs crossed and the woman sits in his lap, facing him, wrapping his legs around him and pressing her heart against his. You then start breathing together to sync your breaths. This will sync your heartbeats and brainwaves as well. Once you and your partner are biologically harmonized, this opens whole new pathways for play and intimacy.
There’s lots to say about healthy sexuality and how opening and balancing your chakras can help you get there.
5. Using the Breath
In tantra and mindfulness practices, the power of breath is very important. Breathing is a tool for partners to share love, intimacy, and passion for each other. You and your partner can inhale and exhale at the same time, or you can inhale when your partner exhales and the other way around. Also, you can add a stabilizing breathing practice, with both of you counting to 2 while you inhale and counting to 4 as you exhale. You can change the counting to suit your breathing patterns better, just make sure that the exhalation is twice as long as the inhalation. This will activate your parasympathetic (relaxation) nervous system and relieve stress and anxiety.
Another way to relieve stress is through the practice of Yoga Nidra – in here we’ve included a scientific background of why Yoga Nidra works and a 10 minute guided session for you to try it out.
6. Nurturing Each Other
Try this nurturing spooning practice. First, decide who needs more nurturing. The person who is the giver lies in the back and the receiver lies in the front. Both of you lie on your left side. The giver lines up his body parts with the partner’s so that your chests, bellies, and pelvises are pressed directly against each other, to align your energy centers. The giver slips their left hand under their partner’s neck and places it on their head or forehead. They wrap their right arm around the receiver and put their right hand on the partner’s heart. The receiver covers the hand with their hand. Use a cushion to make this position more comfortable. Breathe in unison. As the giver exhales, they focus on sending nurturing energy from their body into their partner’s. The receiver inhales at the same time, allowing their body to receive this energy.
7. Hand-on-Heart Technique
Another way to play with your breath is the hand-on-heart technique. You and your partner place your right hands on each other’s hearts and your left hands on your hearts. You can close your eyes or maintain eye contact. Tune into your own heart and the feelings of love and affection you hold for each other. Use the breath to send your feelings to your partner. On an exhale, send your love from your heart down your right arms and into your partner’s heart. On an inhale, receive your partner’s love. By doing this, you are creating an energy circuit with love or passion flowing between you two.
8. Eye Contact
In both tantra and mindfulness, great importance is given to eye contact with your partner. As the popular saying goes, the eyes are the window to the soul. Through eye gazing, we exchange energy with others. This process is so intriguing that modern science has been researching it for a while now. Through eye contact, you really get to see the other person and are seen by them. This deepens your intimacy and relationship.
9. The Power of Touch
Both tantra and mindfulness are very big on with or without sex included. Explore your partner’s body, According to sex experts, the male body has 16 erogenous zones, and the female body has more than you can imagine – basically, their entire body is an erogenous zone. The scalp, ears, the navel, the lower belly, the lowest part of the back (sacrum), the inner am and the armpits, the inner wrists, palms and fingertips, behind the knee, the feet and toes are erogenous zones filled with nerve endings and sensory receptors which all too often get left behind. It’s a pity because it provides a whole new playground to play on. Exploring these soothes the nervous system and varies and heightens the sense of pleasure. And get creative with how you touch. Use a feather, warm oils, ice cubes, and even your eyelashes.
10. Slowing Down
In our hectic modern lives, everything is about rushing to get to a certain place. It’s sad when this mindset takes over our sexual lives because we miss out on so much more which this wonderful act can offer. Tantra and mindfulness teach us to relish every moment of the experience as if it’s your first time. Take your time with taking off each other’s clothes. Enjoy the light touches, and absorb every moment, sigh and moan.
11. Break the Expectations
Usually, sex involves a pretty predictable repertoire: you start with foreplay, proceed to intercourse, and end with an orgasm, or an attempt to have it. Both tantra and mindfulness are about playing around with these conventional expectations we have about sex. Rather, they are about abandoning any expectations at all, as these can only increase sexual performance anxiety. Sexual activity can go any way if you keep yourself open and abandon any agenda you have. It’s ok to pause during sex, and switch to some cuddles and spooning when you feel like it. Tune into what feels good and don’t feel like there is a script you need to follow.
If premature orgasms are what you’re struggling with as a man, take a look at this post on science based yogic exercises to delay premature ejaculation.
12. Try Edging
Edging is a sexual technique in which you hold off orgasm right when you are about to reach it. Then let the orgasmic sensations fill all parts of your body, use the breath to spread them all over. Try it more than once during intercourse. It results in heightened waves of pleasure and helps you reach a full body orgasm, not just a genital one.
13. Explore Energy Orgasms
Sexual energy transcends sexual intercourse. It’s woven into every fiber of our existence — how we walk, interact with one another, or do housework. Exploring energy orgasms might be just what your relationship with your partner, or yourself, needs.
14. Talk About What You Like and Add Some Humor to It
We all know that communication is important for any relationship. However, most people shy away from communicating what they like in the bedroom. We take it that our partners can infer this from our moans and body movements. It’s nice when this happens but let’s face it, this is not always the case. So, open communication might just be what your sex life needs. Since many of us can feel insecure about it because it feels like criticism of our sexual abilities, a light-hearted and humorous approach could go a long way.
You could both first make a list of things you enjoy and then share it with each other. You’d be astonished at how many useful things you both might learn. For example, many men assume the moment a vagina is wet, it means the woman is aroused. If you are a woman reading this and it resonates with your experience, explain to your partner that this is not true. Or if you tell them that something feels good, it doesn’t mean that they should start doing it faster and stronger – it just means that it’s great the way it was when you said it it was great. Also, don’t forget to praise the things you like because your partner’s confidence will boost and they will want to do more of it – a win-win for both. By the way, don’t get surprised if the talking session quickly turns into steamy action.
15. Intimacy Outside the Bedroom
Human beings tend to take things for granted. We get used to our partners a bit too much and forget to share our love and affection during mundane daily activities. In both tantra and mindfulness, daily expressions of intimacy are what helps your passion last longer. A light kiss on the shoulder while she’s washing dishes in the kitchen, rubbing his back gently when you’re watching TV together all accumulate to keep your connection long-lasting.
Conclusion: Try Tantra and Mindfulness During Sex for a Full Mind-Body-Soul Experience
Tantra and mindfulness challenge the way we typically view sex: a bit of foreplay with some intercourse to finally reach the long-awaited orgasm. To enjoy these ancient practices, you need to drop the conventional view of sex which focuses on penetration as the high point of intercourse. Instead of rushing to reach the destination, shift your perspective and experience sex as a journey. Try it out and I’m sure you’ll discover it’s an immensely pleasurable journey to be on.
Tatjana Glogovac, Senior Contributor At L’Aquila Active
Learn more about Tatjana by reading her bio below.
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