One of the greatest benefits of practicing meditation is that its positive effects extend beyond the meditation cushion into other areas of our lives – relationships, work, daily life, and ultimately, our sex lives. This is great news for women who don’t have orgasms during sex, because meditation might be the missing link.
Women who struggle with having orgasms should know that sex and meditation have much more in common than it might seem at first. They both are about being fully present in the moment, enjoying it, feeling relaxed and not distracted. And both are about being aware of the sensations of the experience instead of getting lost in the head. Since their underlying principles are the same, no wonder meditation is proven to help us have more pleasurable sexual experiences.
To learn more about the breath and different practices that can help you last longer and enjoy your sexual experiences more, take a look at these tips from our sex expert.
Reasons Why Many Women Do Not Have Orgasms
The reasons why many women have problems reaching an orgasm are often psychological. Some of them are:
- Being distracted, which is often connected with stress and anxiety about things they need to do or that happened before
- Insecurities about their body image and negative self-evaluative thoughts.
- Too much focus on whether they are pleasing their partner and not enough focus on themselves
We wrote a great piece on how meditation can help you reach your ideal weight. In there we’ve included several meditation practices, such as affirmations. Check out that article to help you feel more confident in your body. And when it comes to self confidence in sex, opening your third chakra can go a long way towards helping you open up to pleasures.
All this affects their ability to perceive and process the sensations in their bodies during sex. In fact, many women become so disengaged from their bodies that they don’t sense the pleasurable stimuli they are receiving. For others, sex has become a pursue of a certain goal, so they become so preoccupied with whether they will climax that they miss out on everything else happening in their bodies during the sexual act.
It gets even more challenging for women in long-term relationships – sex can become habitual and predictable with you and your partner running on auto-pilot, and losing that effort, desire and attention you once gave to each other.
One way to help you get through this challenge is through mindfulness and meditation – here’s how they can improve your relationships or marriage.
Ever Heard of the Angry Vagina?
If you’re familiar with the book The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, you might know our bodies store all sorts of unprocessed emotions, blockages and traumas. And, our vaginas are not much different. If you’ve had your share of bad lovers and not-so-enjoyable sexual experiences, these too get stored in your body, specifically your vagina. If she felt that nobody was listening to her, she might feel angry, hurt, disappointed, sad or disconnected. Consequently, she shuts down, goes numb, or dry.
Now, how can we expect men to listen to the needs of our vaginas when women are not much more successful in it either? If I told you that you are supposed to communicate with your vagina and ask her how she is, you would think it sounded strange, right? However, since we are trying to live more mindfully and connecting with our bodies and getting out of our heads is so important for that, why would connecting with our vaginas seem any different?
Pamela Madsen, a well-known sex educator for women writes about the many women she worked with. She discovered that many of them had angry vaginas. And here is what she discovered about such vaginas:
They want to be held and touched and not just when it’s about sex. Also, they are tired of being rushed. It’s important for them that they their time and that their need for pleasure is respected. They want their “no” to be acknowledged. They want to be listened to and hear that they are beautiful. Finally, they want to feel connected to their woman. And if you ignore them, they will shut down.
How Meditation Helps Women Have Better Sex and Orgasms
When you focus on sexual activity as such, your senses and perceptions of bodily sensations become more vivid and intense. Once you pay attention to how you’re breathing, what you are touching, what movements your body is making and how it’s responding to the sexual activity, the sexual pleasure heightens. Only when we are not focusing on any goals, preferences, habits or aversions about the sexual activity, but are present with all that is happening right there and then can we fully enjoy its pleasures.
When we are practicing meditative sex, every moment becomes new and fresh. When we are completely absorbed in the now of the sexual activity, we feel as if it were happening to us for the very first time. Every moment feels unprecedented.
Studies Proving That Meditation Leads to Better Sex and Orgasms in Women
Women who participated in the meditation training became much more successful at perceiving their bodily responses to sexual stimuli. Their attention also improved while self-judgment, anxiety and depression lowered. In another study, Lori Brotto, one of the leading researchers on sex and meditation, proved that meditation increased women’s libido, lubrication and sexual satisfaction.
Also, stress is a libido killer for many. When our bodies are in the flight-or-fight response, blood flow to the genitals is reduced. Consequently, this minimizes sexual desire and satisfaction. Meditation, in turn, activates the counter response, the parasympathetic nervous system, which then opens up our arteries and lets blood flow into the genitals thus increasing sexual functioning and pleasure reception.
Another way to relieve stress is through the practice of Yoga Nidra – in here we’ve included a scientific background of why Yoga Nidra works and a 10 minute guided session for you to try it out.
Meditation Practices for Women to Enjoy Better Sex and Orgasms
The Lotus Lift Meditation
This mediation helps you connect and build a relationship with this sacred part of your body – the vagina. Also, it helps you tune into your sexual energy. It’s done with your clothes on:
- Sit in the half lotus pose, Siddhasana, or if these are too difficult for you, just sit with your legs crossed. What’s important is that one of your heels is pressing gently into your pelvis and the vagina. For this occasion, you can disregard the hand positions (mudras).
- Place one hand on your vagina, cupping it, and the other one on your heart.
- Now start to rock back and forth.
- Allow the feelings of warmth and tickling. Notice the feeling of arousal flowing through your body. Relax into it and enjoy it.
- While you are doing this, start repeating a mantra: “Who Am I, What Do I Want, What’s in My Way?”
- Listen to the answers coming from your vagina.
The Five Senses
We are endowed with 5 amazing senses so let’s play with them. Tune into each of your senses during sex:
- Taste. Notice the way your partner tastes. You can also play with different tastes: include chocolate, strawberries, or even mint in the sexual act.
- Smell. Notice how their hair, body and breath smell. Focus on the smell of their pheromones.
- Touch. Feel the texture of their skin, the feeling of the sheets on your body and how your body reacts to this. Explore how their jaw and chin feel when you are touching them with your hands, lips, or tongue. Touch them softly or more roughly, it’s your choice.
- Sight. Look at the parts of his body that you love. Look at their lips, their face and eyes. How does this make you feel? What parts of them do you enjoy the most? How does this enjoyment feel in your body?
- Sounds. Listen to the sounds they make during kissing, touching and penetration and respond to these sounds. Sensual sounds are very arousing.
Meditation for Awakening Sexual Energy
Part One
Find a comfortable place where you can sit or lie down. Close your eyes and inhale through your nose and exhale through the mouth a few times. Start to slow and lengthen your breaths. With each next exhalation, let go of any tension, physical, mental and emotional.
Feel a wave of warm tingling energy moving from the top of your head all the way down to your toes. Allow for this energy in your body to move freely with each next breath. Feel the body expand and open, dissolving any negative thoughts, beliefs and emotions you might have. Your mind is empty and your heart is open.
Sink deeper and deeper into relaxation feeling the breath as harmonious and rhythmic. Feel tingling energy moving from the top of your head down to your toes. Feel your skin.
Part Two
Now slowly start caressing your body, feeling its sensitivity to touch. Caress your body gently and lovingly anywhere it feels good. Feel the pleasure of your touch. Place your hands on your genitals. Simply place them without moving them and feel the sexual energy there. Breathe into your sexual organs and move your entire awareness there. Use your intention, awareness and breathing to bring more energy into your sexual organs and to feel more aroused. Feel the body tingle with more and more energy, feel the pleasure and arousal. No judgment, no expectations, just breathe into your sexual organs enjoying all the sensations there. Feel the arousal grow with each new breath you take. Continue to breathe through your sexual organs, feeling your sexual energy and arousal more and more. Relax into it.
As your breathe in, open your body and allow this energy to move through your whole body. Relax into the arousal, and allow the energy to move into all parts of your body. Fill all of your body with this energy with your intention, awareness and breath. Everything is full with it, from your toes to the top of your head. As you breathe out relax, into these sensations.
Fill your body with more of this energy, as you continue to breathe into your sexual organs. Relax into your body. Surrender to these feelings. More and more energy is flowing through you into each of your cells. You are enjoying it, you are enjoying the arousal. Waves of pleasure are flowing through your body.
Slowly start wiggling your finger and toes, feeling the energy moving into them. You are relaxing into the waves of pleasure. Now, slowly and gently, allow for this harmonious energy to flow through you and when you are ready, gently open your eyes.
Use Your Breath
Deep breathing is connected with stronger and longer orgasms. So, breathe deeply during sex and focus on your genitals. Breathe into your vagina. This will increase the sensations, the arousal and the pleasures you are feeling down there and make it more likely to achieve an orgasm. Additionally, if you can, try breathing through your nose during sex, although this is more difficult, especially as things heat up. Before sex, you can practice the following exercise: as you breathe in, feel the pelvic floor moving down and away from you, and as you breathe out, lift it.
Ground Yourself in Your Body
Any time throughout the day, especially when you feel distracted, try to notice the physical sensations in your body happening right then and there. What do you feel in your body and where are you feeling it? Can you describe these sensations? What are they like? If your mind starts to wander, come back to the sensations in your body. By doing this, you’re training your brain to be present in the here and now. And the new neurological pathways that you create with this practice will stay with you during sex. This means it will be easier for you to come back to the pleasures of your body during sex.
Conclusion: If Your Orgasms Are Not What You’d Like Them to Be, Perhaps It’s Time to Include Meditation in Your Sex Life
There are many reasons why women don’t reach orgasms. Stress, anxiety, negative thinking, distraction and lack of connection with one’s body are some of them. None of this means that something is wrong with you, your partner or your connection. Perhaps it just means that it’s time for a different approach — a more conscious and mindful one. Since many sex experts and researchers are seriously looking into and discovering that meditation practices help women have better sex and orgasms, why not try it?
Tatjana Glogovac, Senior Contributor At L’Aquila Active
Learn more about Tatjana by reading her bio below.
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